God bless America and their love of fried foods. This last weekend was the county fair and it was truly a religious experience. We live in a small county full of small towns and even though I have met some very intelligent people living here, it is unfortunately full of a lot of small minded people. The formula for the fair is: simple people + beer + tractors = x and in this case x equals awesome.
Yay! We get to talk about the fair! Let me start by saying, I am a city girl. For 24 years of my life, I lived in a city. And by city, I mean heavily populated areas. Not some BS town posing as a city. 2 years ago we moved to the middle of nowhere. A charming place where the entire population of the "city" is about 75% of the population of the high school I attended. It’s almost painful living a half an hour away from the nearest Starbucks and Target, and at least an hour from a decent mall. That being said, I’ve discovered a new appreciation for mud and tractors.
Fair Checklist:
Funnel cake – check
Beer – check.
Mud – check
Tractors – DOUBLE CHECK
New take on life:
Target – meh.
Okay, that was too far. I’m sorry, Target. But seriously, y’all: TRACTORS. Who knew?
I experienced an awakening this weekend, my life will never be the same. I should have felt shame as I ordered the deep fried snickers bar but I did not, I only felt excitement and a mild fear. I bit into the candy bar covered in fried pancake batter and as my arteries closed my third eye opened, it was like Harry Potter and the goblet of fire when he faces off against Voldemort and out of the wand comes all of his deceased loved ones. My father and mother were there to encourage me through this wonderful adventure; it was akin to losing my virginity all over again. I just realized that last sentence made it seem as if my parents were present at the loss of my virginity, I would like to state for the record that wasn't the case.
I don’t even know what to say here. On one hand, the fried snicker’s was great. The small bite I was allowed to have, all while being stared at like I had murdered his best friend in front of him, was really good. Also, he left off the part where after the snicker’s is deep fried, THEN it is covered in powdered sugar and chocolate sauce. On the other hand, I’m really disturbed. I now have this vision of your parents cheering us on while we have sex. Thanks a lot, asshole.
A lot of negative things can be said about living in a small town and my elitist self probably would have said those things before we moved here, but when you live in one you begin to appreciate the positives.
Like the easy access to meth
The crazy rampant racism
The inbreeding
The lack of teeth
The fair this weekend helped me see the good. My wife can tell you that there are a lot of ignorant people here and some that are flat out scary, but for the most part we are surrounded by friendly individuals. Yes there are people who believe adamantly that Obama is a Muslim.
And he personally will take away all of your guns while aborting babies with his own two hands and a rusty hanger.
And there are people who get very abrasive after their fifth pitcher of stag beer.
How can you blame them? The beer truck was RIGHT by the tractors. Tractors!
And there are a few that see evolution as a slight against God.
Well of course! God wants us to stay stagnant and unchanging.
What I am saying is essentially there are a lot of Toby Keith fans, but once you get through all that you find the people like yourself. People who enjoy the safety and quiet of a small town but also believe in human kindness and courtesy.
Honestly, I’m surprised you saw all of that through your obsessing over the machine gun game. Does it kill you that you never tried again? That the big blue frog is still pinned to the wall, never to be won by you? That little manila slip of paper is just waiting for you to gun down the red star? Also, as a closet Toby Keith fan I am mildly offended.
I am now a democrat with a liberal viewpoint that loves tractor pulls and banjo music and while my wife and I will eventually be city people again for now we are small towners and that is ok.
Yay, Tractors!
No comments:
Post a Comment