Last weekend we were supposed to clean house. We made a deal that if we both spent all day Saturday cleaning, then I would take him to dinner and a movie that evening. On Saturday I woke fairly early, but read a book for a while instead of stamping around the house cleaning. I say I do this is because I don’t want to wake Matt. But really, sometimes – I just like to read. Finally, around 11:30AM or so, I wake him. And we’re off. Somehow we are both showered dressed and in the car by 12:30PM heading for the city. I can’t remember exactly what was said, mostly talk of him needing a haircut and some things from the store, but by some sort of voodoo magic he completely tricked me out of the house. We were out all day. We had lunch, went to the very high end male only salon (maybe you've heard of it *name drop* Sports Clips), and went to the movies. We even went to a place called Tasti D-light. We were intrigued and obviously had no other plans that day.
I wasn't aware that I was a warlock in disguise. Apparently my bard like tongue is able to weave my intentions into the consciousness of others, I'm kind of like Leonardo DiCaprio in Inception...
It was hard traveling through my wife's dream state, I must not change to much or else her subconscious will turn on me. I begin to lose focus, begin to forget what is real and what isn't but my mission isn't complete, to plant an idea into one's mind is no small task, it must be done though. In my pocket is the note, all I have to do is find the safe, the visual metaphor of the deepest segments of her brain, I see it. I inch towards the safe and fumble with the dial, the click of the tumblers turning into their proper places greets me and I breath a sigh of relief as I throw the note into the safe and run.
I wake up, out of the dream, at least I think so. In this line of work one must carry a totem, an object that you are very familiar with, so much so that when it is tipped over you know exactly how it will react and thus know if you are still in a dream state. Inara looks at me with those adorable puppy dog eyes, she is shaken from being tossed off the bed but she is alright. I look at my wife sleeping and think to myself "bitch, you just got incepted"!
I of course do not think of my wife as a bitch but it is such an awesome word and one that I believe should be stripped of it's gender exclusiveness. That is how I was able to persuade my wife to go to the city with me instead of cleaning, it in no way was as simple as saying "hey, you want to go to the city with me and do some stuff"?
On a quick aside, can anyone tell me exactly what Tasti D-light is? The sign inside said “not ice cream and not frozen yogurt.” It however, never said what it was. I don’t even have a best guess, but it was delicious.
Some sort of dairy by-product I'm sure. I guess it could also be the discarded dreams of poor orphans, I guess we will never know.
So we planned to clean this weekend. I had several things going on all week and we once again made plans to clean all day Saturday. Hi, it’s Saturday, I’m sitting on the couch in my jammies writing a blog post. I have several excuses I can use, I went to Zumba class last night and I’m sore, I went out afterwards with the girls. I have a headache. Really, more than anything else: I. Just. Don’t. Want. To. Take that, responsibility! Matt, however, woke super early and started cleaning. I don’t know for a fact, but I’m fairly certain he was in bed by 8:00PM last night. So, not only am I NOT doing anything, but I’m feeling really guilty for my laziness today. And then, as if to say “don’t feel guilty Kim, I’ll help you out,” Mother Nature made it rain. And Matt stopped cleaning. Some sort of muttering about rules and not cleaning in the rain. Whatever his reason, I’m extremely happy.
Men, take note of this, it is the secret of compromise and letting the laziness be HER idea.
I watched an episode of Hoarders on Monday, in the 50 minutes I had in between work and a meeting. I thought, well if we screw around again this weekend, at least I’ll know the format for the show we will end up on. Surprisingly, it was wonderful. Those people are terrible. They have an illness, and everyone around them is affected. I was close to losing my lunch several times during the episode. So, even though there are dishes in the sink, the floor could use a mopping and ALL of my laundry ends up on the recliner in the living room. I’m not really worried about my dirty house today, because I know that, even though the tub and toilet need to be scrubbed and the fridge could be cleaned out, there won’t be a TV crew at our house anytime soon with the purpose of showing the world how gross we are.
There is some cleaning that needs to be done, absolutely, but we are nowhere near ready to be put on that show. The second I pass Kim in the trash tunnel on the way to the bathroom and remind her to take a left at the tower of pizza boxes and a right at the tomb of dried up banana peels I will know it's time to turn off the TV and get to work.
Besides, we live in America, I'll leave the work ethic up to the communists and socialists. This is a democracy which means give my cheetos and beer, ice road truckers is on!
